Gratitude for the LDS church

If you’ve come here after reading any of my essays on Exposing Darkness, you were probably a bit surprised to find an essay on gratitude for the LDS church. But that is exactly what it is, a deep and profound gratitude for the faith that was instilled in me and the lessons learned, both good and bad. Let’s begin.

I would not be where I am today—physically, spiritually, emotionally, and theologically—without the LDS church. It is easy to focus on the things that you don’t agree with, but it is equally important if not more so, to focus on what good has been brought into my life. The last year and a half have been challenging and difficult for many of us. Life has taken many unexpected twists and turns. As with most things in life, we go through various stages of learning and progression. The simple process of creation starts us on a path of utter dependence to sustain life, to where we move into a space of interdependence and eventually a place of maturity and independence. The apostle Paul explored this process of growth by stating:

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things . . . do not be children in understanding; however; in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature” (1 Corinthians 13:11 and 14:20 NKJV).

As a child, I learned the foundational elements of faith and hope. The realization that God exists and that He loves me. That I have a purpose in living and that all good things come from Him. The natural course of life leads to experiences with pride, lust, greed, and many contrasting values and emotions. I was able to compare the fruits of good and evil, both in thought and deed. A desire for repentance and forgiveness was fostered and received. An ever-increasing love was felt as I began to understand God’s grace and the sacrifice made by my Savior.

It is the nature of all things temporal that imperfections and flaws exist. Experiencing these elements within a religious context awakened a sense of self-reflection and a need for time and space to ponder upon life’s purposes; to rely less upon what others told me about God and to ask Him who He was and how He knew me, what He thought of me, and why I was created. The feelings and impressions have been subtle yet profound. The burdens of shame, guilt, and dependency have slowly been lifted, with a realization that I am enough.

And from my youth into adulthood, I have passed back and forth through these various stages of development. Learning precept upon precept, testing and trying the words of “prophets” as well as friends and family. This process has led to great insights as well as significant heartache and pain. Certain ideas and programming have had to be rewritten or even removed. We tend to trust others before we ask ourselves what we feel to be right or wrong.

Through this struggle of dependence, interdependence, and independence I am grateful for the seeds of faith that were planted early on. I am grateful for church leaders who were kind, who spent time to offer encouragement and support, and who showed love and compassion. It is difficult at times to express gratitude when we feel betrayed and beaten, but I am grateful for the journey.

Shalom

Disclaimer: Only a small portion of my thoughts and feelings are contained within this essay. It is nearly impossible to condense a lifetime of study, thoughts, and impressions, into a few paragraphs. I value and encourage the need for altering perspective as new light and knowledge is acquired. One of the best ways to know a person’s heart is to sit down and talk face-to-face, perhaps while consuming a mild barley drink.